So we’re going to see how children first learn to trust the people who are taking care of them. This is their first experience of trust, and we can say it’s pretty high stakes since children depend on their caregivers for their survival!

Researchers have studied the different patterns and behaviours of children around their parents, and have named those patterns “attachment styles“. They theorise that these attachment styles that you develop based on you relationship with your caregivers affects your significant relationships later on in life. Let’s see how they set up an experiment to research these patterns…

Disclaimer:
These styles are of course one model for understanding caregiver relationships and they aren’t comprehensive. Attachment styles are also not fixed, they can change over time.

The Experiment

Researchers had each child play in a room with their mother (in some episodes there would be a stranger present as well). The mother would leave the room for a few minutes then return, and they would observed how the infant reacted to the mother leaving and to the mother returning.

There were 4 main types of attachment styles: secure, anxious-avoidant, anxious-resistant, and disorganized.

A Secure Attachment

Secure children in the experiment were easily soothed by the caregiver when they get upset.

Children develop a secure attachment when the caregiver is sensitive to their signals, and responds appropriately to their needs. This means that when a child cries, smiles, laughs, frowns, or gets fussy the caregiver notices and responds in the correct way. For example, if a baby cries and his mother picks him up and hugs him while saying comforting words in a calm and soft voice, that is her noticing and responding to his signal is an appropriate way. This makes the child feel cared for, heard, and loved.

Securely attached children have positive understandings of themselves as well as others. They see others as supportive and helpful and see themselves as competent and worthy of respect and are easily able to relate to others positively and take their perspectives. When they face difficulties they display resilience. They are able to engage in complex play and are successful in interactions with other children which helps them develop trust in others and gives them a strong base from which they can develop good social skills.

An Anxious-Avoidant Attachment

Avoidant children often didn’t receive the type of sensitive and appropriate response to their signals as the secure children. It is likely that caregivers rejected their emotions, told them to stop crying, and didn’t respond in a way that made the child feel that they care about his/her feelings.

Anxious avoidant children were less effective in managing stressful situations. They are likely to withdraw and resist seeking help which inhibits them from forming satisfying relationships with others. They show more aggression and antisocial behavior, like lying and bullying and tend to distance themselves from others to reduce emotional stress. We can already start to imagine the long-term consequences of such reactions as opposed to those of secure children.

In the video above, we see examples of how a parent can respond to their child’s signals. When a parent ignores or rejects a child’s feelings (by saying “boys don’t cry”, for example), the child learns that they can’t count on others to make them feel better, so they keep their feelings to themselves and ignore them.

On the other hand, if the parent responds appropriately, the child knows they can count on the parents support, and they will learn to calm themselves down, and to help others calm down as well.

Dr. Dan Siegel explains how when parents are detached and don’t acknowledge their children’s feelings, children don’t see about their internal feelings, their hopes and dreams, the parts of them that are vulnerable.

In other words, if parents don’t acknowledge the child’s feelings, neither will the child. They grow up blind to their deep emotions and lacking an ability to acknowledge and process them.

An Anxious-Resistant (Ambivalent) Attachment

In the video above, you can see how a parent’s response to their child can sometimes be inconsistent, which leads the child to be confused about what they need to do to receive care and support from their caregiver. This makes them feel insecure and leads them to try to work extra hard to get the parent’s care and love by wanting to be extra close to the caregiver, and clinging too long.

Anxious-resistant children often struggle with feelings of insecurity and may find comfort in staying close to their primary caregivers for reassurance. Their exaggerated emotional reactions can make it challenging for them to connect with their peers, which may result in social isolation. It is important for caregivers and educators to provide a supportive and understanding environment to help these children build their self-confidence and develop healthy relationships with others.

Through patience, empathy, and encouragement, we can help anxious-resistant children navigate their emotions and social interactions with more ease and confidence.

A Disorganized Attachment

Disorganized children usually fail to develop an organized strategy for coping with separation distress. They tend to display aggression, disruptive behaviors, and social isolation and are more likely to see others as threats than sources of support. They may switch between social withdrawal and defensively aggressive behavior (Kennedy & Kennedy, 2004).

Below, Dr. Dan Siegel explains that a disorganized attachment can arise when a parent is either frightened themselves or poses a threat to the child (such as through abuse). This occurs because children instinctively seek comfort and security from their caregivers. However, if the caregiver is the source of fear or insecurity (due to their own fears or by instilling fear in the child), it leaves the child in a helpless situation. This can result in a dissociated state and a lack of structured coping mechanisms for dealing with challenges.

This lack of organization in managing separation distress can significantly impact a child’s social and emotional well-being. It is essential for caregivers and educators to provide the necessary support and guidance to help these children develop healthy coping mechanisms. By creating a safe and nurturing environment, these children can learn to trust others and build positive relationships. Encouraging open communication, teaching problem-solving skills, and fostering a sense of security can all contribute to helping disorganized children navigate their emotions in a healthier way. With patience, understanding, and consistency, we can help these children grow into confident and emotionally resilient individuals.

Purpose

Why is knowing these different styles relevant to our work?

First of all, it is important for us to know the different attachment styles in order to notice the attachment style of the child we work with. This will help us to better understand their emotional needs and how they respond to relationships and interactions. By being aware of attachment styles we can tailor our approach to best support the child’s emotional development. Recognizing these attachment styles can also guide us in creating a safe and nurturing environment that fosters a sense of security and trust for the child. In doing so, we can cultivate healthy attachments that lay the foundation for positive social and emotional growth.

Secondly, we need to know the basic practices or responses that lead to each type of attachment in order to interact and communicate with the child in a way that fosters a secure attachment. Without knowing the different styles, we could easily be recreating wrong patterns without noticing, thereby harming th every relationship we are trying to build.

By looking at these attachment styles, particularly in relation to building and ending a secure attachment at school, we can have a positive impact on the children we work with.

Next…

Before we move on to a deeper look at secure base relationships, please complete the following quiz!